on running, and growing, and breathing

in college i liked to run. i’ve never been very good at it, and continue to have abysmal pacing skills and a lack of inner strength to push myself (oh how that is such a symptom of most aspects of my life). when i started riding bikes more consistently before leaving new jersey, and then all the time when moving to philadelphia, running fell by the wayside and was quickly forgotten.

over the eight years since moving to philadelphia, i’ve tried running again a few times and found that i have grown to hate it. the slowness, compared to riding, the pacing, the need to push myself in so many different ways than long distance riding. and yet, in the fall of 2012, i started flirting with running again. i signed up for a few runs and ran with friends. motivation to take myself out for a run, especially in the winter, is hard to find but it is starting to get better.

so in february, valentine’s day to be specific, i ran my first 5k in 45 minutes and felt pretty good about that. in march, with a good friend, i ran a 5 mile run in 1 hour and felt pretty good about that. in april, by myself, i ran a 5k in 45 again and continued to feel pretty good about that. i am such a slow runner but at the place i am in life right now i’m more interested in the committing to something mentally and sometimes physically difficult and actually completing it. my PR each and every time is going to the run and finishing. maybe i’m too soft on myself (well, i know i am) but this feels like the right goal.

and then i signed up for a half marathon. the run is in late october 2013, which leaves me plenty of time to keep running and get used to runs longer than 5 miles. running is such a mental game for me, but then again post-breakup depression makes most things in life a mental game of motivation. i started “training” this week and ran the stairs of the Art Museum last night with some friends. even at the hardest, fastest scurries up the stairs taking them two at a time, my body felt like exploding with pain and yet it felt so good mentally, emotionally, and physically. so i’m still continuing to run and every day is a struggle to get out of bed and put on running shoes. i don’t really know what i’m getting out of it yet, other than learning that it’s ok to push myself and it’s ok to try and run through my emotions and it’s ok to set the bar a bit high knowing that i might fall flat on my face.

i still hate running. but i’m starting to love myself.
so that’s something.

year one

a year ago today, we decided to break up. after five loving years together.

this past year has been hard, friends. but i feel healthier and stronger and regardless of us both trying to move on, i am so utterly thankful that this was a love filled amicable breakup.

i think one of the hardest realizations to come to is that love is not enough. sometimes you are better off not being romantic partners, no matter how much you care about each other. sometimes you have to break your own heart in order for both of you to find true happiness. being unsatisfied and comfortable is not the way to live, even if it is full of love and respect. and saying that outloud is one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do.

the past twelve months have taught me a lot. mostly taught me about love.*

the words of thoreau have been on my mind

“the only remedy for love is to love more.”

how true, henry. how true.

*i am working on a little personal zine about lessons learned through amicable heartbreak. stay tuned.

Recipe | Vegan Pumpkin Macaroni and Cheese

Of course I had all good intentions of posting this back when the weather was still primarily winter feeling, here in Philadelphia, but life got in the way as it sometimes tends to. Spring has arrived and the weather has been absolutely lovely, but evenings are still pretty chilly. I’m sure dinners of warm comfort food will still be desired for a few more weeks until the evenings warm up. Perhaps something like this is exactly what you’re looking for…

Vegan Pumpkin Macaroni and Cheese Sauce
Time: barely anything, especially if you do this while boiling pasta and sauteeing veggies
Yeilds: enough to generously coat 1lb of pasta and sauteed veggies

-1 can of pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
-2.5 cups of water
-2 tbsp mustard
-1 cup nutritional yeast
-1/4 cup flour
-1 tsp salt
-1 tsp garlic
-1 tsp black pepper
-dash of soy sauce

1. Whisk together pumpkin puree, water, and mustard until evenly combined
2. Add all dry ingredients and whisk until evenly combined
3. Either simmer on the stove, in a pot, until bubbling and thickened or pour over cooked pasta and your choice of sauteed veggies, in a large casserole dish, and bake in the oven at 300F for 15 minutes.

I prefer to pour over cooked pasta and sauteed veggies, and mix really well to make sure the sauce is evenly distributed and coating everything as well as possible (I tend to mix straight in the casserole dish, mostly out of a desire to not dirty another pot or bowl). Pop the casserole dish into the oven, at an estimated 300F, and bake until it’s a little thicker and bubbly (you’re preference on casserole consistency might be different from mine, so do a visual check to see when you want to take it out and serve). Somehow the consistency and warmth of that process is exactly what I want when I yearn for comfort food like this.

In the photo above, I used this sauce with penne pasta, homemade seitan that was chopped and sauteed until crispy in soy sauce, and local kale, also sauteed. It was so good, I think I’m making it again for dinner tonight. Best part, as a single gal this amount of food is enough for 2 dinners and a lunch. Talk about advanced, delicious, meal planning.

Enjoy!

Recipe | Vegan Curry Carrot + Sweet Potato Dip!

Move over soups. I might start becoming obsessed with making dips.

By nature, I love condiments and dips. Sometimes I choose food to eat based purely on the sauce, dip, whatever I will be dipping it in. I am a dipper. When I eat a veggie burger, I cut it in half and dip it in ketchup, but let’s not get into ketchup and my undying love for it. That deserves a whole love letter post.

Tonight I’m getting together with some of my favorite knitter lady friends for some guilty pleasure television season premier episode watching. We love Pretty Little Liars. Don’t hate. That show is the best worst show ever, and thoroughly addictive. I wanted to bring a snack and felt the pull of my cookbook bookcase to figure out what to make. I don’t often remember to leaf through these great books I have, but I am glad that I did today.

Veganomicon is a great cookbook, if you don’t already know, but I’ve not ventured into the Dips section before. In fact, there is a whole lot of things in this particular book I haven’t made. The Curry Carrot dip immediately jumped out at me as something that would be delicious and a crowd pleaser, and lucky for me I just got a nice bunch of carrots from my winter CSA with Greensgrow. I had to modify the recipe a bit, since I didn’t have a full pound of carrots. I added a sweet potato (also from my CSA) and used cumin, coriander, and tumeric instead of a general “curry” powder. I think you’ll like this dip. It has the texture of hummus and tastes different from the usual dips we have at parties and get togethers.

Grab some pita chips and crackers and get cooking, friends!

Vegan Curry Carrot + Sweet Potato Dip

(adapted from the Curried Carrot Dip in Veganomicon)

Time: 25 min plus chill time
Yeilds: at least 2 cups, depending on the amount of carrots and sweet potato you use.

Ingredients
-half a pound of carrots, peeled and cut into small cubes
-one or two sweet potatoes (I used one very large one)
-1/4 c roasted sunflower seeds, salted
-2 tablespoons olive oil
-1/2 tsp minced garlic
-1 tsp cumin
-1 tsp corriander
-1/2 tsp tumeric
-1/4 tsp salt
-juice from half a fresh cut lemon
-1 c water

1. Bring a small pot of water to a boil and boil carrots and sweet potato until soft. Drain and set aside to cool.
2. Place sunflower seeds in a blender or food processor (I used a blender) and process into crumbs.
3. Add 1 c of water first, then the rest of the ingredients and blend until smooth. Depending on the amount of vegetable you have in your machine, and the texture you prefer for dips, you might want to add more or less water.
4. Adjust salt and spices as you prefer.
5. Transfer to a covered container and chill in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Dust with cinnamon before serving, if you like!

I hope you enjoy this dip as much as I do. I know that I’ll be keeping this in the back of my mind for all future parties I host.

Recipe | Vegan Smokey Black Bean Soup

First soup of 2013 has been made, inaugurating my new 6qt dutch oven and filling my apartment with delicious smells.

I mixed this soup up, for the first time, in the fall during Hurricane Sandy and then perfected the recipe for a soup swap with the South Philly Co-op and have been meaning to make it for myself, again, ever since. So here we are, on the third day of the New Year, with a freezer that has no homemade soup in it, and the desire for warm comfort.

Vegan Smokey Black Bean Soup

Ingredients

o 1 large onion, chopped
o 2 large carrots, chopped
o 3 stalks celery, chopped
o 2 cups of cooked black beans, whole
o 3 cups of cooked black beans, blended/ground
o 4 cups of vegetable broth
o 1 can of crushed tomato (28oz)
o 1 tbsp. garlic powder
o 1 tsp. chili powder
o 2 tsp. ground cumin
o 1 tsp. liquid smoke
o 2 tsp. salt
o 1 tbsp. nutritional yeast
o Black pepper to taste

……………………………………………………………..

Yeilds ~ 3 quarts

1. Heat skillet w/ some olive oil and sweat the onion, carrots,
celery, sprinkled with black pepper, for 5 min.

2. In a large pot, combine the vegetable broth, crushed
tomato, whole black beans, and all seasonings. Bring to a
boil.

3. Add vegetables from skillet and blended/ground beans.

4. Boil for 25 minutes. Cover and let sit for 15 minutes to
thicken.

a love letter

I have not always loved soup.
In fact, I downright hated it for most of my life.
I prefer cold foods to hot.
I don’t think food that comes from a can is good.
I like to chew my food instead of drinking it.

….and yet, 4 years ago I tried making my own soup for the very first time.
And everything changed.
I love soup.
All year long.
I make it constantly, freezing it for later use, gifting it to friends, reading soup recipes when I should be doing work.
I make so much soup that I am researching small chest freezers because I have outgrown my freezer capacity.

These days, in post-breakup reality, cooking for one has become more of a chore than a labor of love.
Cooking for one is damn hard, as my default is to cook for 3-4 rather than single, solo me.
Soup has become my go-to perfection meal, especially since it just gets tastier and tastier as the days pass on.

So, dearest soup. This holiday season, I thank you for your warm embrace.

As I end this hellish year of 2012, I am working on some soup recipes of my own to share with the world.

Perhaps you will make them to share with yourself, or your family, or your loved ones, or strangers.

Happy Solstice, internet.

rising and setting

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with the sky. Clouds and colors and textures and everything. Riding a bike is one of the best ways to really have time to spend with a sunrise or a sunset. As you move in the environment, you can watch everything above you change second by second, minute by minute.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m so attracted to everything above me and while I haven’t come up with any solid reason, I’ve found a few nuggets of information that I often forget.

The sky makes me feel small. It makes me feel a part of something so much larger and more amazing than the humdrum that society hammers down our throats telling us that it is what we should be caring about. The sky is unpredictable but always there. No matter how many beautiful clouds, sunrises, or sunsets you see, the future always holds more. When you’re caught up in your own spiral of being stressed out or busy or unhappy or unfulfilled or uninspired, you can look up and see something natural and incredible. And it’s free. This is something we can all see, if we just take the time to look up every now and then.

I take a lot of pictures of the sky, and in general I prefer a sunrise over a sunset. Philadelphia has been the host to some absolutely incredible skyscapes over the past few months and I look forward to what the sky will look like this winter, as I enter my third season of my new life at 30.

That’s another thing the sky does. When you begin to wonder how the hell did my life become this, you can look up and be reminded that life isn’t a linear path of logic. It too is a swirling thing full of color, texture, sunlight, and clouds. And if one day it’s unimpressive, the future still holds some amazing sunrises.